Wednesday, June 16, 2010's been awhile!

First, let me apologize for just wanting to quit. I didn't expect to ever feel this way. Me????? Depressed???? OH PLUUUUUease. Yeah, I have had some obstacles thrown my way, but I have always been a positive happy-go-lucky person.

But it did happen.

I questioned myself. I questioned life. I questioned God. I hated myself. I hated life. I hated God.

Why you ask? I don't know. If I did know it would help me make sense of the past year. It would be so easy to find someone....something....anything to blame. I hurt family, old friends, and even new friends.

People have told me that I have changed and they want the "old" Vicky back. I have been trying to find her and I have seen glimpses of her from time to time. However, the "old" Vicky is caught in a cocoon....wrapping and shielding herself....and when she is totally able to break free....She will spread her wings proudly. Watch out world....I am coming back!


Anonymous said...

I found you by way of a search. It's perfectly normal to have a or even a few strung together bad days when fighting illness. From what I have read so far, your hanging in there pretty well if you ask me. If you need a pick me up, come by my blog and take a look at some of the cutest faces going. Stay strong!! Hugs. Tazzy

whatalife said...

I have a dear friend who was recently diagnosed with Sjogren's and she's in a deep funk. She's afraid to do any internet searches because so much of the information scares her. I said I would look around and try to find 1) someone who has been living with Sjogren's for a while, and 2) home remedies to help with her dry mouth. The dry mouth keeps her up at night and when she's sleep deprived all of the bad feelings just get exaggerated. Any advice you can offer or suggestions about where to look for home remedies would be much appreciated. Thank you for sharing your journey with the rest of us, and all the best to you. - Catherine

GrandmaKathleen said...

We are supporting you and your actions. Unless we have been walking in your shoes, we we haven't, it is most difficult to not feel as you have been feeling. I do not have a PHD in Psychology, but I have read about the fears that someone can go through when they are facing a life threatening situation. You are young and it can be frightening to have this illness and to do what you are able to do to fight it.
Please continue to find yourself and bring back that Happy-go-lucky, talented, loving Victoria that we miss so much.
We know it takes time and remember we are here for you.
Take one day at a time and enjoy it with those who love you so much, your sons, husband and family members in SC. TN, OH and RI.
Hugs and kisses,
your mother-in-law

GrandmaKathleen said...

I am so happy that the Victoria that my son married in 2000 is gaining momentum to getting herself back. You have been through so much at such a young time in your life when your husband and sons need you. Hearing that those iron transfusions are helping you is music to my ears. One day at a time and you may become yourself, more healthier than before. Prayers are always said for your healing and they are beginning to be answered.
Hugs and kisses from your RI family

iceroses said...

I too suffer from sjrogrens. I was looking for a support group and came across you doing a search.
i am also going thru a rough patch, locked inside and I can't seem to find the key to get out. I feel like my body is holding me hostage. I still try to maintain,for my daughter. Let us say our bad days are not bad. Let us call them challenging. I know you are,as I am,grateful for everyday we are given with our family. Thanks for being yourself.